Transcript

We’re back talking about the warning signs of manipulation starting with the extreme sociopaths joining us is clinical and forensic psychologist lawyer and co-host of Investigation Discovery’s fatal valves dr. Brian Russell we throw out the word sociopaths around a lot but what is the clinical definition of a sociopath great questions so sociopath is really a non-clinical word the more clinical word would be antisocial and a lot of people actually confuse antisocial with shy they’ll say I didn’t go to the party because I was feeling antisocial and actually if you were feeling antisocial you’d go to the party and steal stuff from the host if you have the disorder of an antisocial gotcha okay so are they born or are they made it’s clear to me that the much bigger factor is upbringing and there are really two ways if you want to raise a sociopath there are two ways you could do it Oh tell us one is yeah one is neglect the other is overindulgence and if you think about it both of those pathways get you to the same place you have a person who is excessively focused on their own needs and wants and not very interested in other people’s needs and ones how do you know if you’re dealing with a sociopath or maybe one a person could have any combination or even all of those trades and not be a sociopath there also has to be a pattern of destructive behavior and disregard for the rights of others a true sociopath will leave a path of destruction in their wake and there really does have to be that you have a test yeah I find this really interesting brace yourself everybody so everybody imagine you’re driving down the street and as you’re driving a little squirrel comes running out in the middle of the road in front of you what do you do like you get the car out of the way I scream at Chris watch this crowd most of us are going to do just exactly that we’re gonna break we’re gonna swerve it within reason without getting an accident because we would feel horrible if we hit this little ant it’s not a person it’s just a little it’s a rodent but we would feel horrible if we hit it the sociopath would not try to avoid it because the sociopath would think stupid squirrels shouldn’t have gotten in my way my god and the most accelerator the most severe sociopath would try to hit it and go that was fun let’s hope another one runs out in front of me so there’s actually a rush when you hurt something in some cases for the most severe sociopath which we might call a psychopath Wow so who do sociopaths prey on okay this is really important all right everybody pay attention get out your pen at home so we have to realize that what our mothers told us was true don’t judge a book by it’s cover most of the time our mom’s told us that because they meant don’t be negatively judgmental about people before you get to know but you also don’t want to be positively judgmental about people before you get to know them for example ladies you’re on a date with a guy and he’s treating you great he’s flattering you he’s being nice to you he’s buying you drinks he’s he’s making you feel just exactly the way that you want a guy to make you feel because that’s just exactly what a sociopath would do they’re chameleons they becoming whatever we want though so how do we know if he hits us well you’re actually you’re actually getting exactly to the point which is so he’s treating you great but he is a jerk and a half to the server oh okay that’s it this section is dating sociopaths over here we heard a huge that’s it you’re done that’s the last date because if it’s not as soon as he feels like he doesn’t need to flatter you anymore that’s how he’s going to be to you he’s showing you who he is and when people show you who they are believable (4:30) [Applause] [Music] you know the other thing I noticed in both of your stories is there was a lot of lying and deceit and there was also addiction is that something to look for let me talk about how you’ll feel if you’re around a sociopath okay and I actually brought because this is really important I want people to remember the day they watch the Mel Robbins show and they actually saw these red flags waving in front of them okay all right if you are engaged with a sociopath you’re gonna feel like you’re not getting the straight story or the full story you’re gonna feel lied to there’s your flag and then the flag okay okay hold up the flags if you’re here so what yes lied lied to you’re gonna feel used and not just used but but this person is gonna have more sob stories than a human being statistically could have every employer they ever go to work for is gonna be a jerk who mistreats them and that’s why they couldn’t hold the job down right you’re going to cringe at the way they behaved to other people not just you so you go to a movie with them and they’re talking loud as the movie starts and you’re cringing because you know this is bothering these people and behind you they’ve paid for the movie it’s not bothering them at all because they’re oblivious to that fact that bothers you okay that’s a sign there’s a flag there’s your flag as they it gets more severe you might even feel that they kind of enjoy deceiving you they kind of enjoy using you they kind of enjoy making you cringe and at the worst you may even realize they kind of enjoy hurting you and then you then you got an emergency and you really need to get away but I want you to get away before that yeah the second they snap at the waiter or run over the squirrel we’re out of here ladies yeah thank you so much interesting and thank you for being here do you have an emotional manipulator in your life they guilt you into everything find out the signs of emotional manipulators when we come back (6:53) [Applause]